Hi I’m Isabelle. No one super famous and no one of extreme importance. But I am someone. I am someone with a unique story I intend to share here on this blog. This is blog one of the new life I’ve ha she’ll creating for myself and the people around me.
Recently I was at my community group and something was brought up. A girl on tiktok had made a viral video about how she hated church but loved Jesus, or something of the sorts. The question was why? And how do we reach people like that?
I did and can answer honestly. I don’t know. I was there once and not too long ago.
I use to hate church because I thought it was a racist political statement that judged me if I wore spaghetti straps to service on Sunday. I thought it was a space where I could not have a voice because I am a woman. I thought it was a space where I was made sos different than everyone else I could not relate. I felt it was a space where I was not seen, heard, or loved. In fact I thought, “isn’t this the opposite of what church is suppose to be?”
I knew I wanted to follow a life where Jesus was at my center. (Which we can talk about more another time) I knew if I read my bible, prayed, and watched mega churches on youtube I would learn and grow a little bit, but I think part of me knew there was more.
So, I gave my life to Christ during the 2020 Covid pandemic, finding community was especially hard during that time. I began to create a space on Instagram where I could allow for questions and potential friendship with people who shared the same beliefs as I did. It worked for a little bit but I still needed something more.
I craved community and that is one thing this pandemic taught me. I could not live this life or online this journey alone. I needed people. As someone who suffers with mental health I knew it would not be healthy to continue an individual life. So, I started to test different churches.
I looked for a couple different things when searching.
Diversity
A pastor who wasn’t speaking out of his butt
I wanted a genuine connection to the Lord through a Sunday service and I wanted to look around and see people like me. That is hard to find in North County San Diego. The journey if finding a good church felt impossible. I felt like I had been to every service in North County San Diego.
Then one day I was invited to this small church small corner that sat upon a blacktop. Guys when I tell you I had never experienced anything so good in my life. My boyfriend and I walked in and we saw people who looked like us, we were greeted by all kinds of faces, and the service itself was exactly what it needed to be, a connection with the Lord. We have been going since January 2021 and our lives have drastically changed because of the community we have found. They are family.
So I guess what I am trying to say, to the girl who hates church, I was you. I thought I could do it all by myself and it actually almost cost me my life. I thought I could do whatever I wanted and suffer nothing. I thought guarding myself from people who wanted to love me would protect me. It all hurt me. Now, not all churches are good, trust me. And one size does not fit all. Every church is unique and is a church for a reason. But, you can’t do this alone. You’ll get lonely. We are all scared of getting hurt by people we open our hearts too, trust me I am too, but I know God is too good to allow for such genius love around Him to be destroyed to destroy you. There is an evil force in this world who wants you to think that you can live your best life alone.
I am here to say you can’t. You will burn out. You will always want more. You will go looking for things in spaces that will hurt you more than a church ever could.
Hurt is real. The best place to process that is with people who love you.
My hope is that you keep trying. Keep seeking the Lord and everything will fall into place. It won’t be easy but it won’t be impossible.